For the first time this pregnancy, the weeks seem to be flying by now. It seemed to take about eight zillion years to get to eight weeks, but then nine weeks arrived in the blink of an eye. I think I’d been desperately waiting to see the midwife, and once that was over I felt able to relax a little.
Week nine has been all about the exhaustion. I keep falling asleep putting Ebony to bed and the other day I didn’t surface again until 9pm. Obviously that meant I then couldn’t sleep at night, so it’s hardly ideal, but at least I managed to get a little bit of sleep.
I’m finding it difficult to concentrate on my work. I’m just so tired in the mornings, I think I’m working at about half my usual speed so it’s not been a very productive month. I’m not catching up in the evenings either, because I’m too busy napping.
The nausea seems to have passed now, I still get the odd wave every now and again but mostly I’m ok. I can even take my prenatal vitamins without gagging so things have certainly improved. I’m feeling bloated and look quite fat in most of my clothes now, but am nowhere near to having a bump. It’s been depressing to realise just how shit my stomach muscles are these days, I look about six months pregnant by the end of the day.
Ebony turned four this week, it’s so weird to think it has been four years since I became a mother. I can’t really remember life before Ebony. What did I used to do in my free time? What things did I obsessively google? How much sleep did I used to get?
When we first told Ebony about the baby, we used milestones like birthdays and Christmas to explain when the baby would come. So on her birthday she announced that she was glad it was her birthday because that meant the baby would be here soon. It’s really lovely to hear her talk about the baby, she is really excited to be a big sister. As long as the baby is a girl. This week we had the following conversation:
Ebony: I really love the girl baby.
Me: It might be a boy.
Ebony: Then I don’t like it.
I still feel like maybe it is a boy just because this pregnancy is so different to the last. I know that is in no way scientific and, as a pregnancy writer, I should know better, but I do keep wondering if the lack of symptoms is a hint that this baby is a boy. With Ebony, I was still throwing up in week nine. Most food I ate would come back up and I spent quite a bit of time each day slumped over the toilet. This pregnancy just couldn’t be more different. I’ve had some nausea and thrown up a few times, but nothing compared to last time. I’m not mainlining polo mints or obsessively carrying a packet of ginger nuts in my handbag, I just feel fine. Tired, but fine.
I think most people know about the pregnancy now, so it feels a bit weird not to talk about it on my blog. I’m struggling to think of things to write about because, in my head, everything comes back to the pregnancy so it feels like I’m being misleading by missing that part out. But I don’t really know how to announce it without a scan photo, it seems a bit of a risky thing to do. What if something is wrong at the scan? Would I regret having shared the news too soon or would writing about it be a way of coping? We have a date for the scan now, so in just over two weeks we’ll get to see the baby. I’m excited but also nervous, I wish it was sooner so I could have some peace of mind.
My friend gave us some baby toys this week, some things her own baby has grown out of it, and it made it all feel a bit more real. I really want to start getting things out of the loft and sorting through what we have, but I know I’d regret it if I did it this soon, I’d just end up tripping over them for the next seven months.