Friday, 20 March 2015

21 Problems Only Vegan Parents Will Understand



  1. Dedicating a whole freezer drawer to vegan cupcakes
    Because you never know when there will be an impromptu party, birthday or tea party to attend, and the thought of your kid having to sit, empty handed, and watch everyone else eat cake is too heartbreaking.


  1. The horror on elderly faces when you explain that your child can’t eat pork sausages
    And knowing that they’re going to be telling people about it for the rest of the day, that poor child! It’s basically child abuse. Sure.


  1. Confiscating birthday and Christmas presents that aren’t particularly vegan friendly
    I have hidden so many books featuring stories about animal circuses, farms, zoos and fishing.


  1. The weird assumption people have that you will raise your child as vegetarian
You raise your kids eating the foods you eat, why should be vegans be any different. If I think it’s unethical to eat something, I’m not going to peddle it to my kids.


  1. Having to have an endless number of awkward conversations about why you don’t visit petting farms
    … or zoos … or slaughterhouses.


  1. Actually having to tell people that you will still love your kids even if they decide to eat meat when they’re older
I’m always going to love my kid, isn’t that the whole point of being a parent? I won’t even stop loving her if she starts eating babies.


  1. Turning up on the first day of preschool with a bag for life filled to the brim with substitute ingredients
Vegan butter, egg replacer, soya milk, coconut milk, dairy free chocolate. You know, just in case.


  1. Not being able to buy an ice-cream from the ice-cream van on a sunny day
    I still get depressed about this and I’m nearly 30. It’s just not the same when you have to scoop the ice-cream yourself.


  1. The silence that follows your toddler announcing at a table of chicken nugget eaters that she doesn’t eat chicken nuggets because it’s made from dead chickens and that’s not very nice
Awkward.


  1. Having pockets filled with every kind of vegan sweets, bars and snacks imaginable, just so your child can have what everyone else is having
    Whatever that might be.


  1. Choosing your babysitters very carefully
Are they good with kids? Does your kid like them? Might they try and feed your kid cheese?


  1. Going to Clarks to get her feet measured
    Then exiting the store at full speed before she sets her heart on any of the leather shoes on display.


  1. Finally feeling like preschool understand what vegan means, only for them to ‘double check’ with you whether your kid can eat cheese
    No Cheese! Simple, no?


  1. Your kid eating a diet consisting of mostly chips every time you eat out in a normal eatery
    I guess it serves me right for choosing to live in a village and not in a cosmopolitan city centre, but I’m mostly met with blank faces when I enquire about the vegan options on the menu.


  1. Your toddler mimicking your supermarket habits by pretending to read the ingredients on everything before announcing that it is vegan
    Especially when it usually isn’t.


  1. Having to refuse a constant stream of biscuits being offered to your toddler
Seriously, can’t groups just serve fruit now? We all know sugar is bad for teeth, right?


  1. Your grandma asking if your two year old is still bald because of her vegan diet
No? Just me then…


  1. The weird amount of love you feel for people who make the extra effort to include your vegan kid at birthday parties
    I’m looking at you guys, procurers of dairy free ice-cream, vegan cheese spread, dairy-free chocolate buttons, apple pies, soya yoghurts and vegan sweets.


  1. Telling people that no, you didn’t crave meat during pregnancy
Because you’re not actually Phoebe from Friends.


  1. Tense games of pass the parcel
    As you sit behind your kid with a bag of vegan sweets, waiting to do a quick swap should any sweets fall out when she unwraps her layer.


  1. Having to tell Grandma that the Mother’s Day gift she ate was actually a bird feeder, not a weird vegan health snack
    Yep, that actually happened.


What have I missed off the list?

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