Monday 22 April 2019

Back to my space

I don’t really write much here these days, do I? It has become a neglected part of my life that I occasionally feel guilty about. I used to write this blog when Ebony was a baby and everything about motherhood was new and fascinating and hilarious and a little bit terrifying. There are pages and pages of posts about what it was like being Ebony’s mum.

I sometimes think, if I died, Ebony would know she was loved. She’d be able to grow up and read those posts and know exactly how I felt about it. If she were to have children of her own, she’d be able to compare our experiences even though I wouldn’t be there to ask. This blog is like a time capsule she could dust off and experience whenever she wanted to feel close to me.

But then it just fizzles out. Work got busy, life got busy and I got tired, and suddenly I didn’t spend as much time here. I still had things I wanted to write about, but they never made it past the notes app on my iPhone. I don’t want these memories to fizzle out. I want to keep writing, and recording and taking the time to remember what life is like right now.

The girls are changing so fast at the moment. They both seem taller and older than they did just weeks ago. Ebony has spent most of the Easter holidays with her face in a book. She has read and read and read. Today, she ate her dinner one-handed so she could finish Awful Auntie. I love seeing her get lost in books. If she comes across a bit that makes her laugh, she pauses so she can read it aloud to me.

Ember is changing, too. She is getting to an age where she can play by herself for longer periods now. She will do jigsaws or draw or disappear into the playroom by herself. Today, she played with a doll in the paddling pool for a long time. When Ebony asked if she could play too, Ember replied, “I don’t know, do you trust yourself?”

She did, so the played.

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