Thursday 1 November 2018

Happy World Vegan Day

I get a lot of press releases. Most of the time they are about absolute shite like Kate Middleton’s pelvic floor, but sometimes they are interesting. I have had a few press releases about veganism this week which isn’t surprising because today marks World Vegan Day.

Life as a vegan has changed a lot over the past decade (read 10 things that have changed in my 10 years of being vegan). It is so much easier now. It is easier and more affordable to find vegan products, and there are so many substitutes out there. Vegan is a word people understand now (they really didn’t 10 years ago), and restaurants tell you in moments whether they cater for vegans. It’s easy to eat out, there are vegan Magnums and vegan makeup is readily available now. Unsurprisingly, it’s the young driving this change. While their grandparents are getting excited about Brexit, young people are making informed food choices for the planet.

Hitwise sent me a press release to let me know that online searches relating to veganism have increased by 84% in the past three years. And, after analysing the data, they have revealed that the following questions are the 10 most asked. So, I figured I would answer them.

1.     Who makes vegan strip lashes?
Superdrug! They make vegan everything, pretty much. And it’s always labelled so you know which products are suitable for vegans. Superdrug is my one-stop shop for all such things.

2.     When is vegan week bake off?
You missed it. But don’t worry, from what I heard, it was just Paul Hollywood walking around being condescending about vegan food, so you didn’t miss much. I decided not to watch it because I figured that was going to happen. A lot of people have been telling me about vegan meringue since watching it though so it clearly impressed the general public.  

3.     Who sells vegan pizza?
Everybody. It’s almost too easy to get vegan pizza nowadays. I’m almost tired of sampling them all. You can get vegan pizzas at supermarkets, restaurants and even some takeaways. The days of painstakingly making your own vegan pizza are long behind us. I kind of miss them, sometimes, but also there is nothing quite like an oven pizza on family movie night.

4.     What would happen if everyone turned vegan?
People would stop making fun of vegans. And, um, probably the word vegan would go extinct. And the planet might be a little healthier. And there would probably be a black market of meat products from unspecified sources. And animals wouldn’t spend their lives in factory farms. And Tunnocks would have to diversify and veganise Snowballs which would be, to be honest, my favourite thing about the entire world adopting a vegan diet.

5.     Why aren't avocados vegan?
Remember before that QI episode when nobody talked about how vegetables weren’t actually vegan? Man, I miss those days. So, basically, for those of you who missed QI, vegetables are farmed using bees to pollinate the plants. And this isn’t done in a happy-go-lucky ‘I hope a bee comes along soon’ kind of way, it’s done in a ‘I control the bees, work for me, bee-tch’ kind of a way. So, yeah, that doesn’t sound that vegan. Neither are pesticides. Or most medicines. Or screens (they have gelatin in). So, it’s pretty difficult to live an entirely vegan life in modern society, but that doesn’t mean there’s no point in doing your best. Eating avocados is vegan, you’re still vegan if you eat them, even if the farming methods suck. [Side note: isn’t it tedious how desperate people are to see vegans ‘break’ their veganism with stuff like this?]

6.     What happens to cattle if everyone becomes vegan?
Um, well, wild cattle would probably continue to be on the endangered list. Maybe people would be more interested in conserving them if they weren’t also eating them, so perhaps it would be a good thing for those populations. And, there would be no need to farm cattle anymore, so farmers would stop breeding them and then they wouldn’t live on factory farms or be slaughtered for food.

7.     What would happen if we all became vegan?
Um, I already answered this. See number 4. But, basically, it would be great.

8.     Where can I buy red vegan stew?
I don’t even know what this is!? I’ve never heard of it. I hope you find it soon. K, thanks.

9.     Where can I buy mini vegan sausage rolls?
Ocado, for sure. Probably other supermarkets, too. Also, you could just cut up regular sized vegan sausage rolls, right? In the 80s, you’d have had to make your own. Another reason to be thankful that the 80s are over.

10.  Why is honey not vegan?
(said very slowly) Because it is an animal product.
Honey isn’t vegan because animals are exploited to make it. They are bred, they die in transit, Queen bees have their wings clipped. It’s just not vegan. If you can get your head around not eating steak and not eating yoghurt, then honey is that far a leap from there.

Photo by Ivana Milakovic on Unsplash

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