How Much Freedom Should A Seven-Year-Old Have?

It takes a while to settle into a new job role, doesn’t it? At first, you feel unsure of what you’re doing and terrified that the rest of your colleagues can tell. And then your confidence starts to grow and people start asking you for your advice and, eventually, you feel like you belong. How long that takes varies from job to job, with parenting, it takes more than seven years. I have now been a mother for seven whole years and I am no wiser (but plenty older) than I was on day one.

The thing about parenting is that it’s constantly changing. As soon as you think you have the hang of something, the world spins and everything you thought you ‘knew’ comes crashing down around you. I remember that so well from when my firstborn was a baby. I knew when she would sleep and how to soothe her and how often she would feed, and then a regression would hit and it was as though she’d been switched for a completely different baby.

I’ve noticed that parenting gets both easier and harder at the same time. Toddlers might sleep a little better than newborns, but they also put a lot of energy into trying to escape from your grip when you’re walking down busy roads. They may not leave you with chapped nipples, but they will throw a bowl of tomato soup at your once-white kitchen walls. Four-year-olds can be reasoned with, but they are also capable of biting other kids on the heads when they don’t get their own way. Six-year-olds may be the perfect companions for days out and restaurants, but they will shout that they hate you when they’re mad at you.

My eldest daughter turned seven this week and, for some reason, this feels huge. Seven is on the cusp of something, isn’t it? Seven isn’t big or mature, but it’s heading in that direction. It feels, to me, a world away from six. Seven seems like the right time to start giving her some freedom, to let her out into the world to make decisions and mistakes for herself (with me, pressed up against the front bedroom window, watching intently, probably). To me, she still seems so little, but she isn’t really. She’s growing up fast, and it’s important to me that she grows up feeling sure of herself and I think independence is an important part of that.

So now, as a parent, I have the tough job of navigating this awkward in-between stage somewhere little and desperately wanting not to be. She isn’t yet demanding things older kids have, there are things she would like, sure, but nothing she is desperate for. She isn’t begging to do things by herself, but I don’t necessarily think I need to wait for her to reach that stage before she gets some independence.

One thing I feel very aware of at the moment, probably because it’s January and we’ve been spending a lot of time indoors, is how little freedom Ebony really has. We live on a fairly busy road so she can’t play out on the street. I asked about independence over on Facebook and quite a few parents said their kids were allowed to play out with kids on the street. That sadly isn’t an option for us because we live on a busy road. And that causes problems with the other things she could do because crossing that busy road is necessary to get most places she could go. I think I will work on her road crossing skills over the coming weeks and then reassess.

7 Things That Make Modern Motherhood More Difficult Than It Needs To Be

Parenting isn’t easy, at all. I don’t know whether this is something people have always felt, or whether the idea of parenting as a struggle is a new phenomenon. I don’t know whether mothers in all cultures plonk themselves down at the end of the day and let out a sigh of relief at having gotten through another day, but I kind of doubt it. It seems like this struggle is cemented in the way we live our lives in the west. It complicates the way we hold ourselves as mothers, the way we interact with other mothers and even the way we bond with our babies.

That’s not to say motherhood should be perfect and glossy and easy. Of course, it shouldn’t. Life with kids is messy and chaotic and sometimes it makes you want to sit alone in a dark room for a while. But every single day shouldn’t be hard. Life shouldn’t feel like an uphill struggle. When life feels hard, we don’t manage to enjoy the days as they pass. If we’re busy begrudging motherhood, we’re less likely to appreciate the little things that make it all worthwhile - the grubby hands around our neck, the whispered I love yous and the misspelt handwritten notes left on our pillows.

Every minute doesn’t need to be perfect, but we should be able to sit down in the evening and feel positive about the day we just had. We should be able to remember the smiles and the cuddles and the pride, not just the stress and the self-doubt. Maternal mental health problems are on the rise and many women are finding the adjustment to motherhood a difficult one to make. Perhaps it has always been this way, but I doubt it. If you're struggling with motherhood, having somebody to talk to might help. You can find a list of therapists on the BetterHelp site here. I think society is making motherhood more difficult than it needs to be, and I think once we recognise that, we will have the power to change it. Here are a few of the reasons I think parenting feels so damn hard in 2018:

1. The loss of a village

This pretty much sums it all up, doesn’t it? Generations ago, children grew into adults who stayed close to home. Families lived in the same communities and you stayed living near the friends you’d grown up with. By the time you had kids, you had a whole army of people to help you out. People relied on their friends and family for informal childcare in a way many people are unable to nowadays. In Bali, babies generally don’t touch the ground until they are six months old. Before then, they are carried at all times. The parents rely on friends and family members to help them keep their baby in arms for the first six months. I imagine there aren’t many people in the UK who could manage such a feat these days. I only live an hour from where I grew up, but that hour means I don’t have much of a village around me at short notice. For those who live even further from home, it must be even more difficult to get help when they need it.

2. Loneliness

It’s a sad fact that motherhood can be a lonely time. Babies are great, but they aren’t skilled conversationalists and the days can pass slowly when you’re not surrounded by friends to talk to. We live in our own houses with our own gardens and driveways. You can easily pass a day without leaving the confines of your own home. You can live in a house for years without ever really knowing your neighbours. The days of neighbourhoods communally raising their kids are gone. Now we have a country of lonely new parents trapped indoors, desperate to find their tribe but not knowing how to go about it. The early days can be so overwhelming that the thought of heading out to a baby group alone is just too much for some new parents. It’s a sad but very true fact that some women find motherhood to be incredibly lonely.

3. The obsession with back to ‘normal’

When you become a mother, there is a new normal, at least temporarily. Your body won’t look or feel like your own, you’ll be exhausted and you will probably lose track of your identity a little bit. Don’t worry, you’ll get it back, but it’s hard to retain your sense of self when you are in survival mode and just trying to make it through to bedtime so you can get some sleep (ha … maybe). But the media, and society, and even your friends are obsessed with you getting ‘back to normal’. They want you wearing your pre-pregnancy jeans, they want you on nights out, and they want your baby to slot into your pre-motherhood life and not change anything. But that isn’t how it works. There will be changes, some permanent, some temporary, and you won’t be ‘back to normal’ anytime soon. And that’s ok. This obsession with being ‘back to normal’ puts women under pressure to chase an unattainable dream.  

4. Technology

Technology is a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it has completely changed the modern world and, in many ways, made parenting easier. The invention of the washing machine saved women countless hours and the disposable nappy even more so. Travel is easier and more affordable than ever before. And, thanks to technology, we are better connected, better informed, and better at taking all the photos than previous generations were, and that’s all thanks to advances in technology. But, there are downsides to the technological revolution.

Smartphones and the internet are great for new parents. They allow you to search for answers to the burning questions you have during the 3 am feed. And that’s great if you’re reading trusted information from relevant sites, but it’s not great when you end up down a rabbit hole on a forum of deranged pessimists whose answer to every question is ‘that happened to my cousin and then she died’. Information is power, except when it isn’t. The sheer quantity of information available online can leave new parents not knowing where to turn. It is hard to trust your instincts when the internet is scaremongering and contradictory.

5. Society’s dislike of ‘mum culture’

Simply put, mum doesn’t equal cool in our society. Being somebody’s mum is not a feather to your cap. It doesn't buy you any extra cool points. Mums are seen as being the opposite, really. Uncool, frumpy, past it, too busy to take care of themselves. Even though there are bucketloads of mothers out there proving how untrue that is, the stereotype remains. And, as soon as you have a kid, you worry that that stereotype might be true. After all, you really do spend a lot of time worrying about teething and nappy rashes and you really don’t have as much time to spend on looking after yourself. And so you worry that your friends don’t want to hear about your life,  that they’ll think it’s boring, and so you struggle to think of things to add to conversations. It is very lonely to be surrounded by friends detailing their latest adventures while feeling you have nothing interesting to say.

6. The habit of putting on a brave face

This is just what you do, isn’t it? You don’t tell people all your inner battles in the hope they will like you, even though they’ll never really know you. You don’t tell people when you’re struggling after a traumatic birth or holed up with infected stitches, or barely surviving on such little sleep. When people ask how you are, you tell them you are fine and give them a big (albeit dead-eyed) smile to prove it. But that inability to open up and be vulnerable means many new mums are missing out on the help they need. If you don’t tell people you’re exhausted, they won’t offer to hold the baby so you can nap. If you don’t tell people you’re struggling to get on top of work, they won’t offer to take your toddler to the park for a few hours so you can get things done. It’s not always easy to be honest, but it is always worth it.

7. Judgement, or at least the idea of it

There is nothing worse than feeling like you are being judged, especially for your parenting choices. You want to be the best parent you can be, so to think others believe you are doing a bad job is just heartbreaking. We are all just doing the best we can, so can’t we just get along and be kind to each other? Why is there this obsession with tearing each other down? Sometimes, the judgement is real. Some people are incredibly judgemental and, if that affects how you feel about yourself, are better off avoided. But, I would argue, sometimes it is in your head. We worry so much about being judged that sometimes we get into the habit of feeling judged even when nobody is judging us. And media stereotypes make that worse.

The tabloids and daytime TV shows are filled with parenting stereotypes pitted against each other in ‘debates’. You know the ones, they find a mum who thinks breastfeeding is perverted child abuse and put her up against the mum who is still breastfeeding her 45-year-old son. It’s a way of getting people riled up and selling newspapers, but it also has a negative impact on new mums who are sat at home already feeling like the world is judging them. This obsession with us vs them makes parenting even more difficult to navigate.

Each of these things plays a part in making modern motherhood more difficult than it needs to be. Some people may be affected by some more than others, but I think all mothers are feeling the impact of these changes to society. The good news is you can do something to help. Ok, you can’t un-invent smartphones or force people to live closer to their mums, but you can take a positive step towards helping new mothers feel good. You can smile and be kind, and think about the words you say before they tumble out of your mouth. Be mindful of the words you say and the impact they may have. If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything.

If you’re a new mum navigating motherhood, you can do your bit by being honest. Let yourself be vulnerable and speak truthfully with the other mothers you meet, that way you can take steps towards building a supportive community of women surviving and excelling at motherhood together.

This is a collaborative post.

Why I'm Not Jumping On The Elf On A Shelf Bandwagon

As December rolls in, my social media feeds will start to fill up with photos of self-proclaimed naughty elves wreaking havoc in their adopted homes. There are Pinterest boards full of ideas, whole websites dedicated to suggestions for hilarious antics for those pesky elves. Every morning, once kids are packed off to bed, my Facebook timeline will be filled with parents sharing their elf on the shelf setups for their kids to discover the following day. And below the photos, comments will appear from other committed elf-on-the-shelfers saying how wonderful it all is. 

And that's fine, you do whatever you want to do in your home to make Christmas as wonderful as you want it to be for your kids. And, by all means, proudly share the snaps to Facebook, I can just scroll by, but I won't be joining in. I'm no Scrooge when it comes to Christmas. I am all for Christmas. I love the build-up, I love decorating the tree, I love walking through Manchester when all the trees are lit up by twinkling lights. But this elf on the shelf thing just doesn't sit well with me. Here's why:

1. I don't think threats work

Parenting through threats just isn't a good way of parenting, is it? Either you end up doling out a ridiculous number of harsh in-the-moment threats or you have to renege on them and lose your edge. I hate the whole 'Santa won't bring you any presents if you're naughty' thing. I hate the fake calls to Father Christmas to report bad behaviour. I think it's unkind. As adults, we're in on the secret that Father Christmas isn't real, do we really need to exploit our power further by using Christmas presents as a threat to our children?

2. They're really creepy

I'm just not comfortable with the idea of telling my kids they're being spied on. Who? Oh, him. He's just a tiny creep who's going to watch you for the next 24 days, critique your behaviour and then report back to Father Christmas who will decide whether you get any presents or not. Woah, isn't that a bit much? Are we really expecting children to behave impeccably for the whole of December? Are we expecting them to stop being children just for the sake of impressing a (some might say hypocritically) badly behaved elf? 

3. Father Christmas is a fairytale, a legend, a thing of magic

Christmas is something pure and innocent and magical. Or it was until we invented these undercover agents to spy on every kid. I don't want to exploit the magic of Christmas. I love the magic of Christmas. I am always looking for ways to add a little extra magic, I'm just not sure elves complete with threatening 'your behaviour is very bad and I'm going to have to tell father Christmas' is the right way to do it. I don't think Christmas should be a discipline technique, and that seems to be a big part of how the elves are used. 

4. Christmas is magical enough already

Elf on the shelf wasn't a thing when I was a growing up. I remember I always felt like something was missing. Christmas just wasn't magical and my childhood was terrible without... oh no, wait, everything was fine. Christmas is magical. Not that it needs to be, really. But it is. There's a mythical man in a red suit who delivers present with the help of some flying reindeer. There's a stocking full of gifts, a tree covered in fairy lights and 24 foil wrapped chocolates in the lead up to the big day. It couldn't get any more magical. Elf on the shelf is just another something else, another layer, and I just don't really see the point. I love Christmas but I am happy with it staying in the realm of 1990 Christmas levels, I don't need to add a mischevious elf to pump things up to 2016 festive overload. 

5. It's going to get awkward

At some point, Christmas is going to get awkward. My kids are going to reach that 'is he real' stage of childhood and there will be an awkward period where nobody is ready to publically admit that Father Christmas is actually just me stumbling around with a stocking of presents in the early hours of Christmas Eve. And that is going to be awkward enough without having to endure a whole month of putting out mischevious elves that my kids already know aren't real. I can't do that to myself, motherhood is humiliating enough as it is. 

What do you think of the elf on a shelf craze?

Photo by Caleb Woods on Unsplash

10 Things That Happen If You Follow Baby Led Weaning

Baby led weaning is probably one of my favourite things ever. It just feels like the obvious thing to do this time around, but with my first, it seemed like I was part of a revolution. Everyone around me was busy spoon feeding their babies purees and I was knee-deep in dropped salad in the middle of a restaurant whilst servers looked on at me in disgust. Revolution! 

Some Thoughts on Ebony Becoming a Big Sister

During my first pregnancy, I spent the entire nine months in a deep panic. I was terrified that I would be rubbish at being a mum. I felt sure that I would mess things up and that I wouldn’t know what I was doing. I had so many vivid dreams during pregnancy about trying and failing to be a mother. In most of them, I couldn’t feed the baby and so the baby would just get smaller and smaller until it disappeared. I was so worried about what parenthood would be like.

And then Ebony was born and all of that fear melted away. I realised that yeah, ok, I didn’t exactly know what I was doing, but neither did this helpless little baby, She wasn’t judging me. As long as she was fed and loved, she was happy. My previous worries about whether I would bond with the baby suddenly seemed ridiculous. As soon as she was placed into my arms, my whole world changed forever. My heart grew three sizes and I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging, I had finally found my place in the world. I felt like I was born to be her mother. Nothing else had ever been important as this challenge. She was my everything and I wanted to be the very best version of myself for her every day.

Becoming Ebony’s mama was the making of me. Together, we found our footing. Being a mother isn’t always easy, in fact, sometimes it’s really bloody hard. But it is always a privilege. I feel so lucky to be Ebony’s mother. She is truly my best friend. Ever since she first learned to string a few words together, she has been my favourite person to speak to. She comes out with some crazy things and I’m glad I get to be the one to hear them. We are in sync with one another and I love that.

The thought of adding another child into the mix is quite terrifying. Sometimes it can difficult enough with one, why would we have another?! At first, I could only think about the newborn days. I love the newborn days. I love having a teeny tiny person who is completely and utterly dependent on me. I love hibernating at home with my newborn and just focusing on getting to know each other. I love that feeling of invincibility after birth and the power of being able to nourish a baby. I love the smell, the cuddles and the hours spent napping together. And that’s all I thought about for the first few weeks of the pregnancy.

Then I started to think about Ebony. I started to think about what an amazing big sister she would be. She loves babies and is always really gentle with them. She’s always excited to see the baby brothers and sisters of her friends and will happily play with them to try and keep them up. She’s so kind and loving towards me and I realised I couldn’t wait to see her treat the new baby the same way. She started telling me about all the things she will do with the new baby and all the things she will be in charge of teaching it. My excitement grew as I imagined the three of us snuggled up together after school, chatting about Ebony’s day while the baby fed.

And then I started to think about Ebony a little more. I started to think about how having a sibling isn’t wonderful all of the time. How sometimes they ruin your games, break your toys and spoil your fun. How they steal the attention you have been so used to enjoying by yourself. How they start to determine the schedule so you can’t do whatever you want, whenever you want it anymore. And then I started to worry. What if the transition from only child to big sister is more difficult than I was anticipating? What if she isn’t happy when the new baby arrives? What if she longs for the way it used to be? What will I say to her then? Will I even notice that she’s feeling that way when I’m sleep deprived and breastfeeding and completely hormonal?

We talk about the new baby a lot, usually because she has brought the subject up. She has quite a few books about new babies and, of course, she has spent time with babies. But is that enough? Is there any way to really prepare a child for the birth of a baby? I mean, I didn’t feel at all prepared for the birth of my baby when I was 25, so it seems a bit much to expect Ebony to at four. Is she even really capable of imagining how things might change when we become a family of four?

How did you prepare your only child for the birth of a sibling? Are there any books you would recommend? Did you do anything you felt worked really well? Or anything that didn’t? Any advice gratefully received!

How I dug myself out of a parenting pit (and how you can too)

Last week wasn’t a good week. Do you ever have those days where everything feels to be going wrong? Where you can’t seem to do anything right? And where you end every night knowing you’ve been a crap parent? Well, that was me all last week. It wasn’t fun. I seemed to spend the whole week arguing with Ebony. She wanted to do one thing and I wanted to do another, and by the end of the week, we were engaged in World War 2 million. It was exhausting and completely draining. I wasn’t having any fun and I’m sure Ebony wasn’t either.

It culminated on Friday with a failed trip to the ballet where we ended up coming straight back home, both feeling angry and miserable. It was definitely the lowest point I’ve reached as a parent. Ebony was furious at me on the way home and I can’t say I was overly keen on her either. When we got home, we each went our separate ways to calm down. She stayed downstairs for a bit and I sat upstairs trying to work out what had gone wrong and what I could do about it.

I honestly felt like a complete failure. I felt like I was letting Ebony down, letting myself down and simply not being the parent I so want to be. And, at the same time, I felt so annoyed with her for ‘being difficult’ that I didn’t know where to begin in turning things around. I was mad at us both. I felt completely and utterly helpless. It’s not often I feel lost as a parent, but on Friday I could feel the panic of failure rising inside me and there didn’t seem to be anything I could do about it.

And, now, I feel completely different. I feel like I’m back on top form, my relationship with Ebony has improved and things feel beautiful again. It’s crazy the difference just a few days can make. I honestly felt on Friday that things would never go back to being good, that I was a terrible mother and always would be, and that Ebony and I would live as enemies forever more. When you’re stuck in a parenting pit like that, it’s not always easy to pull yourself out of it. But, I have, and I thought I would share with you how I did it because we all have days or weeks like that and they’re really awful. I knew that I needed to completely reset and start over, and I’m so glad I did. Here are some things to try when you’re stuck in a parenting pit:

1. Reach out for support

This was the very first thing I did when I got home on Friday afternoon. I sat on my bed feeling out of control and, through tears, I sent a message to a friend. I feel incredibly lucky to have some amazing mothers as friends, women who will support me and pick me up when I’m down. One friend, in particular, is always the person I go to for advice. She is an amazing mother, she’s completely honest with me when I ask her for advice and she does her research so I trust what she says.

I sent her a message explaining how I felt, what had happened and how I was feeling a little lost. Within the hour, I had a reply that felt like a lifeline. In it, she reminded me that a strong-minded, opinionated daughter willing to fight or her beliefs are exactly what I want. I know this, of course, but it’s easy to forget when you’re stuck in a power battle over something stupid with a four year old. Gah, why can’t she just do what I say, I think, forgetting that the answer is because I don’t want her to. I want her to be strong enough to question authority, to stand up for causes she believes in and to refuse to follow blindly. Even just that simple reminder was a friend was enough for me to reframe the afternoon’s drama in my mind.

My friend also gave a few examples from her own life of her own parenting struggles and how she works to overcome them. There is nothing I find more helpful than real life examples when it comes to parenting. It’s all very well giving vague advice, but what I really want and need is examples of how to do things. It’s also so good to be reminded that other people have struggles, too. It’s not just me who has moments like that, everyone does, even the friends I consider to be the most wonderful and amazing mothers. Just a couple of messages were exchanged, but by the end of the conversation, I felt a million times better. I was starting to see a way out of the parenting pit I’d been stuck in.

2. Do some research

After speaking to my friend, I decided to do a little bit more research into how I could turn things around. It was pretty obvious that things were going wrong, I just needed figure out why. I decided to have a read of How to talk so kids will listen and how to listen so kids will talk, it’s a book I have dipped into before but have never read to cover to cover. It’s a really good book and I would definitely recommend it to any parent who is having difficulties communicating with their child. The book has really forced me to question how I speak to Ebony, how I respond to her and how I can improve this.

3. Take some time for yourself

That evening, after Ebony was eventually tucked up in bed (bedtime battle? Oh yes), I decided to take a little time for myself. Instead of spending the evening lounging in front of Netflix, I ran a bath. I spent an hour by myself, reading the book I mentioned above and just contemplating how my week had gone so wrong. What were the points of friction between Ebony and myself? What behaviours were triggering me to respond angrily instead of taking the time to speak to her calmly like I usually would? What could I change to try and prevent this? While in the bath, I decided that what I really needed was some quality family time to really refocus my feelings.

4. Be honest

It’s not easy to sit down with someone and say ‘I feel like a shit mum’, they’re not really words I ever want to hear myself think nevermind say aloud. Ever since Ebony was first born, I’ve felt like I knew what I was doing. I have always felt like I was made for motherhood, I didn’t think it before I became a mother, but as soon as Ebony was born, I knew I’d found my calling. I think that’s partly why last week felt so terrible. Of course, I’ve had moments or days where I’ve felt less than perfect before, but never a whole week. And never so far from perfect. When Laurie and I got into bed on Friday, I started to cry. I told him that I felt I’d let Ebony down, that I needed to do something drastic to get back to where I like to be as a parent and that I wanted us to take some quality time as a family. Laurie works in the week and I often end up working weekends, so we don’t really spend that much time as a family of three.

5. Focus on your child

We decided to leave our phones at home and head out for the day on Saturday. It’s too easy to get distracted by technology, and I don’t really think we have any understanding of how our children feel when they are competing with technology for our attention. Even taking a photo on my phone can quickly turn into checking Facebook, replying to an email and sending a WhatsApp. So we left them at home. We decided we would be the best parents we could be and that we would try to escape the day without a fallout. In all honestly, I didn’t think it would work. I felt that Ebony had been so difficult lately that we wouldn’t even get in the car before one of us was in tears. I was so wrong. We had a perfect day. We went sledging at Lyme Park, we built a snowman and had a snowball fight. We had a picnic in the snow and spent some time on the adventure playground. There were no fallouts, no angry words and no tears. It was just perfect. Ebony was obviously enjoying having the undivided attention of both parents for a change and I was enjoying not being an angry dick.

6. Talk to your child

I think communication is really important. As parents, we hold our kids to pretty high standards so I feel it’s only fair to hold ourselves to the same. If I mess up, I want that to be something we can talk about. I’m not perfect, I make mistakes all the time, and I think it’s important to show Ebony that. If I shout at her in a moment of frustration, I want to be able to later tell her that I crossed a line and it’s not ok to shout. After our perfect family day on Saturday, Ebony and I had a chat about the week. I talked about the mistakes I’d made and how I wanted us to get on better, and together we thought of ways we could make that happen. I said that instead of getting angry, I would take deep breaths when I could feel myself getting annoyed. She agreed that she would do the same, and we’ve been using this technique the past couple of days and I’m pleased to say it has worked.

7. Forgive yourself

This is probably the hardest thing to do. I think as parents we hold onto a lot of guilt, I know I do and usually over stupid things. When Ebony was a baby, I had (completely unimportant, inconsequential) things that went round and round in my head at night. That can still happen now and it’s exhausting. I felt so stressed and drained after last week that I couldn’t sleep, I just kept thinking about all the ways I’d let her down that week. This probably sounds dramatic, but pregnancy insomnia is a powerful thing. Over the past few days, I’ve been able to focus on the positives of turning things around rather than the negatives of last week. I’m not perfect and I never will be, but if I can try my hardest to do my best, then that’s something.

10 Things I Learned During My First TV Interview

After the article about us being a vegan family appeared in the Metro last week, I got an email from an Australian breakfast TV show asking if I’d agreed to be interviewed. Sadly, they weren’t offering to fly me out to Australia, but I figured it might be worth doing anyway. I’ve never given a TV interview before, and if I ever decide to step back into my previous life as a charity campaigner, it would be useful experience to have. Also, I’m really terrible at interviews so the thought of it only appearing on Australian TV was quite appealing. I once did such a bad radio interview that I shouted at the presenter. It’s safe to say, I’m better on paper.

The show organised studio hire at Media City and the interview was pre-recorded on Saturday night. Here are some things I learnt about doing television:

1. Morning sickness lasts all day

I started throwing up at about lunch time on Saturday. I’ve basically thrown up every single food item that’s passed my lips over the past week or two. I spent most of the afternoon in bed, smelling of vomit, wishing I hadn’t agreed to go on TV. I bought some polos to take with me because last week they were helping to stop the nausea. This is not the case anymore. The polos were way too minty and made me feel even worse. I was really thirsty (side effect of all the vomiting), but every sip of water felt like a risk. There was a 40% chance I would throw up on Australian breakfast TV and ruin the reputation of vegans everywhere. Luckily, it didn’t happen, but it really could have.

2. Going to the BBC is really exciting

The email sent to the BBC to book the studio said, “The talent’s name is Fiona Peacock”. Talent, yeah. There was a pass with my name on it. It was exciting, but I played it cool in front of the security guards. The BBC studios are a lot like the studies in W1A (is that what that television show is called? The one after 2012?). There are weird circles with two chairs facing each other, they look like the setting of the world’s most awkward meeting. Nobody was sitting in them. There were a lot of screens. My dad told me I would probably be in a booth, he is an old hand at TV interviews, so I was expecting a crappy little room. Er, I don’t think so. It was a big fancy studio they use for, maybe, North West Tonight or something. I had a desk on which to place the water that was making me want to hurl, a chair on which to place my sweating butt, and a camera to awkwardly avoid eye contact with. So. Exciting.

3. You shouldn’t wear tight dresses to go on TV

Dressing for TV is probably always tricky, but it’s way harder when you’re 12 and a half weeks pregnant and fit into approximately none of your clothes. Most of my pre-pregnancy dresses are, erm, way too tight around the best, and I figured that’s the sort of thing viewers might notice. My maternity clothes are way too big, so I was left with just one dress to choose from. It’s a nice dress, but it has a tight band above the waist. This is fine until you have to try and pass a massive microphone through it in front of a stranger. Awkward.

4. Having an ear piece is the most fun thing ever

Wearing an earpiece was really fun. Like, I was a news reader or some kind of television presenter. For a while before the interview, even though I knew the technician could see me, I kept pushing it into my ear and practising my listening face. I figure the technician must see over excited interviewees all the time. I’m not letting pretending to be cool come between me and my only chance to pretend to be a TV presenter.

5. Sometimes TV presenters don’t know you can hear them

They had technical difficulties, which meant I was sat waiting for about half an hour before the interview. During this time, I could hear everything the hosts were saying. I can tell you that the male host likes to make sexual jokes about his microphone and that he’s really not on board with vegetarianism, nevermind veganism. Why would vegetarians want to eat fake meat that tastes like meat? Hahahaha. [In case you are also that ridiculous, it’s because vegetarians don’t stop eating meat because they hate the taste. It’s because they don’t want to eat animals, they might bloody love the taste. So a nice vegetarian burger that tastes like meat is right up their alley. Simple, yeah?] They were reading the article on the Metro and had stumbled across this story which they thought was the funniest thing ever (it totally is).

6. There was ‘staggering criticism’ to the Metro article

This is what the presenters said, and I’m not sure it’s really true. I mean, there were comments of course, from douchebags, but who doesn’t expect that? I saw the post shared in a lot of vegan groups, and the most critical comment I read was, “They seem to eat a lot of soya.” It cut deep. I’m assuming that’s what they what the hosts were referring to when they talking about criticism.

7. I have a northern accent

I never really hear myself, so it was a bit weird to suddenly hear my accent. It’s less Burnley than it once was, but it’s still pretty damn Burnley.

8. I should probably look at the camera more

I think I looked slightly crazy in the interview because I kept looking off to the side. This is probably because staring into a camera is terrifying. I couldn’t see the presenters, but I knew they could see me. That’s an unfair power balance. At the end of each answer, I tried to smile at the camera and each and every time ended up pulling the most mental face ever. So bad, in fact, that they cut it out of the segment by plastering a photo on the screen each time I finished a sentence. That’s how scary my nervous smile is.

9. I should have worn lip gloss

I thought lip gloss might look a bit much for breakfast TV. People would be hungover in their pyjamas, and there I would be like some cheap vegan hooker staring out at them from the TV. I thought lip balm was the way forward. But, I have now learnt, if you are drinking water whilst trying not to puke for 30 minutes before an interview, the lip balm disappears by the time you answer your first question. Next time, I’m going to wear all the lip gloss and I’m not even going to apologise if my hair gets stuck to it.

10. Even if you think people won’t see it, they will

The main reason I agreed to do it, was because I thought nobody I knew would see it. I figured it was a cheat first chance at a TV interview. I’d get to experience a TV interview without having to experience the humiliation of everyone seeing it. Remember, I once shouted at a radio presenter about my rabbits, so I didn’t really have high hopes for the interview. The problem with social media is, everything is bloody accessible to everyone now. So within hours of the video being uploaded, I’d been tagged and the video had been shared by people I know. Actually, it was ok because I didn’t shout at the hosts or vomit or look like too much of a tit. Just a bit of a tit, but that’s ok, right?

So, since it’s already out there, here you go. My first TV interview, it’s not very good, but remember, I didn’t shout about rabbits…:

7 Reasons Why I Shop Online Now I'm a Parent

I am a fan of the occasional shopping trip to buy clothes, makeup or Christmas presents. It’s nice to make a day of it, start with lunch and end with cocktails, and spend the day with someone I love. It’s not something I like to do with Ebony in tow, however. Trying to enjoy a day of shopping with a small child is, quite frankly, ridiculous. It is destined to end in tears for everyone involved. For this reason, I have embraced the wonder of online shopping. It’s just so much easier when new things appear by magic. I love not having to leave the house, especially in this weather. Here are seven reasons why online shopping is the way forwards for parents:

1. There is no extortionate Peppa Pig car ride

It is physically impossible to guide a child aged between two and four years of age past that stupid Peppa Pig car. They just need to go on it. Peppa Pig cars are like crack for preschoolers. The flashing lights, the obnoxiously loud music, the repetitive rocking mechanism that makes onlookers want to kill themselves… it lures them in. They are drawn to the Peppa Pig car ride. The Peppa Pig car ride signals the end of your day. You have two choices, either you spend all your shopping budget on the damn thing or you say no and rush straight home to list your child on eBay. Well, which is it?

2. Can eat crisp butties

When I’m shopping online, it’s totally ok for me to wear pyjamas and eat crisp butties. This is not ok in Manchester. Well, probably you could get away with the pyjamas, but the crisp butty would be pushing it. I always include lunch in a shopping trip, and for a small child, Ebony costs a ridiculous amount to feed. We might go for pizza or falafel or a burger, but it always ends up costing more than I expected. Online shopping is a good way of avoiding the extra cost of eating out.

3. Ebony can’t hide in the clothes rail

When you’re shopping online, you can be wherever you want to be. I suggest, in the comfort of your own home, surrounded by toys to distract your child. You do not have these luxuries when you are shopping in real life. In real life shops, there are no toys, unless you are in a toy shop which you shouldn’t be because this is a shopping trip for you. Your child will use their ‘wonderful imagination’ to create their own games. These games will mostly consist of hiding inside circular clothes rails whilst you run frantically round the shop trying to find them. One shopping trip in a busy city will age you approximately five years. Shop online, it’s better for your mental health.

4. Can use discount codes

Discount codes are the best, aren’t they? Everytime I buy something online, I do a quick search to see if there are any valid discount codes available. If you’re shopping at JCPenney, for example, simply search for JCPenney discount codes and you should be able to see if there are any working codes available. It only takes a few minutes and can save you a decent amount off your purchase. This is something that can only be done online, I would never walk into an actual shop and ask the shop assistant if I could get a discount, but it’s totally not embarrassing to do online.

5. Don’t have to make diversions

Any parent will tell you that certain shops have to be avoided at all cost. For me, it’s the Disney shop. I physically cannot drag my daughter past that damn shop. The ridiculously huge eyes of the princess hypnotise her into a consumer-trance and she gravitates towards the shop. Once in there, she will touch each and every single thing on sale asking if she can have it. After 45 minutes of extreme product touching, I invariably agree she can have something. I then spend another 20 minutes trying desperately to find the cheapest thing in the shop. Guess what? It’s an Inside Out toothpick and it costs £15. Great.

6. No snacks needed

Probably about 80% of my income goes on snacks. Ebony could happily snack all day long. She loves fruit, she loves crackers and hummus, she loves raisins, she loves gingerbread men, she loves falafel. She loves all the food. Everytime I take her into Manchester, I spend a fortune on snacks. Also, I am then forced to carry around half eaten snacks for the rest of the day. This does not happen at home when I am shopping online.

7. No distractions

Online shopping happens at one shop. You pick your shop, but your stuff in the basket, pay for it and move on with your life. You go straight to the shop website by searching for it on Google, you aren’t forced to walk past hundreds of other shops on the way there. This is always my downfall with real life shopping. I physically cannot walk past shops. I must go in. What if they have that thing I want? What thing? Pah, there was no thing, I tricked you and now look, I’ve bought another skirt ha. Evil high street.